Pivoting: I So Badly Want To Be A Wellness Guru, But I Know That I Contain Multitudes.
the precursor: adaptogens and alcohol
Life used to be scary because of its uncertainty. Now it’s scary because of its certainty. Wendy Williams has dementia. This devastates me.
I remember summer vacation, staying at my friend's house, watching America’s Next Top Model and Wendy Williams sitting at the edge of the couch, her parents at work. I remember the warmth of creating routines. Since childhood I have created routines that I never followed after a week. Spraying my pillow with lavender oil, and covering myself in lotion, stretching, and above all, praying. Always having the same breakfast, plain cheerios with cinnamon and a sliced banana. Then sitting at the desktop computer and creating my first Tumblr. Not understanding how the platform worked.
I am fantasizing about groceries. And about a square manicure, and about sensible gold hoops. I quit coffee, I need a blood panel. I keep forgetting to eat my 1-2 brazil nuts per day. I’m rushing to finish the kimchi in my fridge.
Unfortunately getting drunk and eating instant ramen is so good sometimes. Do things have to be so one way or the other? I don’t believe that intellectually, but it’s tough to trick the body into believing. In this way I’m a health agnostic- I don’t explicitly believe in one diet or lifestyle that is the objective best nor do I even find it important to reach that, but I’ll try a few of the tips, it can’t hurt.
I used to be obsessed with Extra dessert flavored gum, but not in a trying to be skinny way. They just tasted so good. And gum used to be a fun activity before phones. And I think diet coke just tastes better than regular.
I can’t allow myself to fear any consumables, fear is the body killer, I don’t fear animal products, I just love animals. I’m unsure what longevity and quality of life even mean in a larger context.
This is just notes to inspire me for the Real piece, a possibly recurring column of sorts. But do you get what I’m saying?